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Top Ten Reasons You Know You're Hopped Up on Speed
(submitted by reader Paul Dippell of Plano Texas)

10. You now accept driving directions from your wife, but only if she calls them out WRC-style.

9. You purchased a DR Chipper even though you live in a high rise.

8. You're obsessed with finding out who that Charles Manson-looking guy is in the G-Tech Pro commercials.

7. Every other weekend you break that years-long habit of sleeping in.

6. After being exposed against your will to hours of NASCAR programming, you develop an urge to watch WWF.

5. Your fear of Bill Gates has been replaced by a fear of Bernie Ecclestone.

4. Your belief in karma is confirmed by the fact that Eddie Irvine is on Niki Lauda's team.

3. Lawnmower racing replaces BattleBots as your entry into the world of competitive motorsports.

2. In a drunken stupor you decide if you can't be Alain de Cadenet, you can at least be his driving shoes.

And the No. 1 reason you know you're hopped up on Speed...

You still call it Speedvision!

 Ring a bell?